Well I have been faced with this question twice and both times I answered the same answer, but I was damned sure the circumstances were different! In this post it is my intention to further delve into this issue as many black women face this- I have and several of my homegirls have so lets talk about it!
I find that the most common reasons cited for sharing the boudoir and the financial and convenience implications. You guys are spending nuff' time together- you leaving behind your hair grooming products(gotta keep the tresses in check especially when you are at his crib)- he's got several of his kicks lined up in the back of your closet next to your heels and a draw full of his boxers and socks. You find it easier to stay at his crib during the week b/c he lives closer to the express train that guarantees you on time to work or he is crashing at your crib on the weekends b/c his roomies are complete jerkoffs that completely ruin the vibe. Yet the both of you are paying rent- and with today's economic conditions money is tight- shoot the dates have taken on a creative twist already to alleviate the pockets! So shaking up seem like the right answer- right?
Well that's what I thought when i was a freshman in college- it just made sense and I was plenty far away from my Momma so the back hands were just being delivered over the telephone- they were hard to take but easily soothed with the dial tone after the click came down hard when I was adamant with my decision to play house. After a while the relationship began to become more of a living situation in the romance department and then with a blink of an eye he lost his job and he dipped back home to his Momma (all of which went down during my bday week. He was so tack!) So that was my first scenario.
The second time I had graduated from college and had the job with benefits (so presumably i was older with some wisdom) I started dating a coworker undercover and we were spending tons of time with each other back and forth every night- we exchanged keys first, the marriage talk was occurring on a daily basis, then the ring appeared and so did the moving boxes. For me personally, Scenario # 2 was the best one for me- Shoot I wear that ring everyday! lol Seriously, my hubby was serious about our relationship and showed it by proposing- it was more than just a living situation- For him it was about securing our future together. Scenario number one was based purely on convenience to a short term relationship so the best thing he could do was offer moving in together which thankfully was a short bid. lol
So in closing, my advice would probably be to say no to shacking up before a credible commitment has been made and truly only you can determine if that commitment is credible and genuine. I believe the woman is more susceptible to getting hurt emotionally and financially with cohabitation before marriage; so if you are like my younger dumber self and wont listen at least keep yourself prepared for that unthinkable day that statistics show will probably happen. Get something in writing or better yet- get that money upfront (two months of rent should suffice)!
CarmellesFabulosity
