I was that child sitting underneath my mother's hot comb in the kitchen, as she pressed out my kinks, curls, and waves out of my hair. I was also that child like many other Black children that received burn scars from falling hot combs because of fidgeting while Mami said to "Sit still!". I learned at an early age that my natural hair was not what people wanted to see, that women spent their Saturdays from dawn to midnight in the salon every week trying to achieve the un-natural look, passing it off as natural.
I totally get why our culture is the way it is with Black hair and the inherent influences of colonial rule and oppression of our BLACK definition of beauty, which has been warped and not really indicative of our true nature as Black women. But even in the 90s I still felt that oppression, that peer pressure, and the demand to conform, changing my hair texture with harmful chemicals so I could fit in. However being burnt constantly and getting fed up of camping outside of Nikki's Hair Salon before the sun would rise (she always forgot to set her alarm-so she said). I grew out my natural hair in protest and in self awareness, that was almost ten years ago.
There were plenty of arguments with my Mom where she would question "With who are you going with your hair looking like that? Not with me." There were plenty of hair styles that she loved and hated, the fro, the blowout, twists, braids, Bantu knots, crimps, frohawks, and dreads. I felt strong and confident with my natural hair with each passing year and being in NY and Miami, I didn't feel weird or different because of my natural hair.
As I reached my senior year of college my locks were reaching my shoulders, and my mother began to really express concern about me finding a job because of them. I read numerous articles about people being fired because of their locks, but I was not going to let the job market dictate my personal choices and I was in the fashion industry. Nevertheless, I did find a job, rather quickly actually which I attributed to my educational background and my strong work ethic. But when I relocated from New York to Kansas, I quickly realized how different I was and how off-putting my differences were compared to everyone else and the fact that I was a vegetarian didn't help- but that in itself is a different post. I didn't stay in Kansas long, it was really stifling to be in a "Corporate America" situation where the diversity was so lacking and it was obvious that my hair choices were not ideal.
I relocated with my fiance in tow to the biggest city in the Midwest to a bigger corporation, where it screamed diversity, however I still did feel that my hair was scrutinized more so than my white female counterparts. I have come to accept that my hair will always be something of conversation, if I let the locks flow, or if weave in curly/straight hair with highlights. I have been told that my natural hair was not preferred by co-workers, and completely floored with compliments when I switched it up with straight tresses.
I understood that being a Black woman in Corporate America would have its challenges but never did I dream that my hair would be such an issue in the retail/apparel industry, despite my mothers constant commentary; I thought she didn't really understand since she is in the medical industry and her own personal opinion being a derivative of her traditional Haitian views. It can be rather stressful and overwhelming dealing with my image and managing perceptions of non Black co-workers. I am thankful that I do have a great support system from my White husband who always encourages that I let my true beauty shine through.
I will continue to keep my own sense of style and rock the locks until I decide otherwise. I will continue to ignore the constant nagging of Corporate America of what I should look like. I will be the one to dictate what my hair should look like, despite the passive aggressive ways of the corporate atmosphere. I do wonder how I am going to approach this situation with my future children as they too will be confronted with this, especially being biracial, it is difficult taming the tresses and mastering their
magical powers, because they really do put a weird spell on others.
CarmellesFabulosity.
